Sexual Healing with Gwyneth Paltrow

 "You have total permission to have an erection." Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow used to be an actress? In the 1990s, she delivered good film performances in EMMA, SLIDING DOORS, A PERFECT MURDER and THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY. She won the Best Actress Academy Award for her gender switcher role in 1998's SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE. I miss those days. 

Now Gwyneth Paltrow has a lifestyles business and she's currently focused on your genitalia. The opening quote of this article comes from her new Netflix series.

Her business is called Goop. Goop now has a Netflix presence and episodes to improve your sex life. I watched Episode 1 from Season 1 of Sex Love & Goop. It gave me that full "What the Hell?" feeling. Paltrow, in an upscale Southern California setting, has assembled average couples and smiling, welcoming women who each has a title of "sexologist" or "intimacy expert" or something similar. If you subscribed to HBO in the 90s and remember the docu-series, REAL SEX, the first episode of this Goop show will remind you of that HBO program. The main take-away from Paltrow's Episode 1 is that a woman, understandably, would like to be romanced before launching right into the sex act -- especially when she's married, has kids, and has spent most of the day being Chief Cook and Bottle Washer in the house. She can be bent over and basting a chicken that's in the oven for dinner and the sight of her hips can excite her husband, home from work, to the point of him wanting to take her right there on the kitchen table. He's ready to go. She's not ready to go. She'd like tenderness and communication to put her in the mood first. That's the gist of what we learn from a couple of the couples. The discovery of that basic fact is really nothing new even though Gwyneth is smiling as though she just created I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

What really left me stunned was the segment with Damon, a Black man, and his wife. The very Pacific Coast therapist (Caucasian) has told us all her 5 Erotic Blueprints. They are 1. Energetic, 2. Sensual, 3. Sexual, 4. Kinky, and 5. Shape-Shifter.

I kid you not.  Shape-Shifter.

After Damon tells us that he's basically Mr. Erection but he and the Mrs. have hit a bit of a bedroom lull, their therapist lady puts a large bowl of accoutrements on the table. In other words -- sex toys. That Caucasian woman handed a Black handcuffs and some chains.

I thought, "White Lady, have you lost your damn mind? Have you never seen ROOTS, 12 YEARS A SLAVE or just about any episode of COPS on TV? You are handing time-worn bondage items to a Black man." Then she brought out and put on some sharp, pointed finger items that looked dangerous. They made her hands look like Hugh Jackman's hands when he played Wolverine in the X-Men movies. 

I said to myself, "Oh, no, no, no. Those should only be worn by someone slightly drunk and doing 69 with Edward Scissorhands." Here's a short video about some Paltrow product on Netflix. I think I need a drink before I watch the second episode of Sex Love & Goop. I just don't know if I want Gwyneth Paltrow paying attention to my privates.

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