To: Joe Manganiello of True Blood on HBO
Dear Mr. Manganiello, I was one of many millions eagerly awaiting last night's season opener. True Blood has captivated my interest since its first season. I didn't think I'd like it but the series is smart, witty, unpredictable and the characters are fascinating. You've become the most memorable Wolf Man in pop culture since Lon Chaney, Jr in the 1940s.
Last night, I was eating some barbecue potato chips and watching the new season's premiere episode. There was a full shot of your naked backside during your nocturnal wolf transformation in the woods. I wasn't expecting that.
The sight of your butt made my butt so depressed that it wanted to kill itself.
I am still consoling it. And there's a lot to console.
Put your pants back on. Best of luck with the new season. You're a very good actor.
Sincerely, Bobby Rivers